Looking for a Job? I Heard NAMB is Hiring by Peter Lumpkins

Who said there's no jobs out there?  Keep up the good work, Mr. Obama.  In and around Atlanta we're doing just peachy.

For starters, just consider the North American Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention.  Presently there are at least four cool jobs available (//link).  I wonder who will end up with the positions.  Let's do some guessing.  How about?...

Wade Burleson for President of NAMB.  He'd do a good job. And, he could kick up some dust in people's faces for sure!  In fact, every board meeting could be about a conspiracy to oust him from office. That way, he'd be the martyr and things could stay exciting.  Nah, it wouldn't work.  In all three associate positions open he'd insist women fill them. Besides, I think he and Jimmy Carter are running for office at NBC. 

Tom Ascol for President of NAMB.  This would be a hit!  At least among 5% of SBC churches.  5%?  Not for long if Dr. Ascol has anything to say!  In fact, he'd immediately set up strategies in every region and state to "reform" all SBC churches. Tracts by Arthur Pink would be standard NAMB resources.  And all church planters would be experts in Ernest Reisinger's missions manual on how to make a non-Calvinist church into a preaching station for regeneration-precedes-faith Calvinism.  We'd better pass....

Nathan Finn for President of NAMB.  No one could argue with his abilities.  He'd make a fine president.  The difficulty is, rumor has it he'd probably just call up Mark Driscoll and see if he'd be his right-hand man.

I can see the Christian Index headlines now--

Breaking Story:  Is Finn Floundering?

NAMB launches new church planting strategy--Who's4Brews?

J.D. Greear for President of NAMB.  While Greear could handle it no doubt, the NAMB board has already had their fill of executives who love Limousines.  I don't think it'd work, frankly.

Al Mohler for President of NAMB.  Besides not wanting to make a lateral move or a sub-lateral move at this time in his career, I doubt Dr. Mohler would consider the position. From his vantage point, why waste time considering a position he's recommending to be absorbed into the merger?  Oops!  Was I supposed to say that?  Oh well, it wouldn't work anyways.  To work at NAMB under a Mohler administration, you'd definitively have to be a 5 pointer.  Unless, of course, you do commodes.

Danny Akin for President of NAMB.  That's not possible.  Al Mohler won't let him.

Timmy Brister for President of NAMB.  Nope.  I think you may have to have graduated from seminary.  Besides Timmy has a full-time job teaching Tom to Twitter...or teaching Twitter to Tom.  Either way, it's full-time for Timmy.

Thom Rainer for President of NAMB.  Nope.  His problem is soon to be solved as we shall shortly see! He will then have er made in de shade...

Mark Dever for President of NAMB.  Dr. Dever is a good guy.  But if he took it, "NAMB"  would have to go.  Instead, it'd be "NM".  I don't think more than 5-10% of Southern Baptists would go for that.

Frank Page for President of NAMB.  He might consider it. Might nothing!  Rumor has it his resume is present for most every high profile job around the convention.  I think he's probably going to hold out for Morris Chapman's job though.  Besides the fact that he's a year younger than Dr. Chapman, his speech at June's convention was a "Hey!  My services are available! I want to be your ECP when you oust Morris! You owe it to me!" speech.

Les Puryear for President of NAMB.  Les could do the job.  But I'm afraid if you run over 200 in Sunday School, Les wouldn't give you the time of day.  He'd shake things up, all right...

Marty Duren for President of NAMB.  Who?

Bart Barber for President of NAMB.  Bart is one cool guy.  But don't try to argue history with him.  Only idiots and some woman named Debbie Kaufmann do that. But under a Bart Barber administration it'd take five years to explain what the Fifth Century Initiative is much less execute.  Then we'd all be dead. 

Enough guessing!  We all know who's going to be president.  It's no secret...

Meet Our President Elect for the North American Mission Board

                                                

With That, I am...

Peter

 

 

Comments

[volfan007]

Peter,

I'd say that you are probably right, if the merger thing is not gonna happen.

Also, with the reputation that NAMB is getting for firing their bosses, not many people will want the position.

David

[Kevin Davis]

So, how do these broad brush strokes and (albeit mild) ad hominens accomplish anything?

I hope the students at SBTS and SEBTS are reading this post -- as a perfect example of the (hopefully passing) sectarian and self-assured mindset of too many Southern Baptists.

[Dave Miller]

I'm not sure, Peter, that the wounds of this thing aren't a little too fresh for a satirical piece like this.

[Dave Miller]

On the other hand, I would vote for either Nathan or Danny Akin, if anyone consulted me.

Ed Stetzer will not be the man. He has too much influence now to be limited by such a job.

[peter lumpkins]

Dear Kevin,

You asked how these broad brush strokes and (albeit mild) ad hominens accomplish anything? I think it depends on what you're looking for.

As for hoping students read this, Gee, I never thought of that. Do you actually think they will? What should I do?

With that, I am...
Peter

p.s. Kevin, lighten up bro.

[Steve G]

Hey I know a guy looking for a job.. once he finishes editing stuff... ummm .. he lives in Georgia and has all the rperequisites for the job... he's got a mullet.

[peter lumpkins]

Steve,

I'll have you know I have the shortest mullet in Georgia. So there!

With that, I am...
Peter

[peter lumpkins]

Dave,

Wounds? What wounds? We were whining but a month ago for more, more, more info on our soap-opera sagas concerning the in-house discussions from board entities.

With that, I am...
Peter

[Dave Miller]

Four men whose lives have been deeply wounded. Missionaries all over North America concerned about the dysfunction in their leadership. A lot of hurt and confused people throughout the SBC. Those wounds.

[Christiane]

Hi PETER,

I wondered if any of the 'resigning' men have given a statement themselves?

The silence is deafening.
Like a 'silent scream'.

Maybe I overlooked reports of their statements somewhere ?

[John]

The "silent scream" is the ink drying on the severance agreements that were signed giving these men much needed safety nets in this difficult economic environment. Don't expect much in the way of comment from them - they care about their families more than people's curiosities.

[Christiane]

John, that is very understandable.

It is 'unusual' when someone 'resigns' without a statement.
Maybe their silence IS their statement.

Problem is what the 'curious' read into that silence.

?

[heath lloyd]

And we may wonder why the sbc is in decline?

It seems that there are a lot of EGO problems . . .
with boards, with pastors, with churches, with bloggers, with "leaders", with (fill in the blank).

Lord, deliver us from ourselves.

With that, I am
Heath

[peter lumpkins]

Dave,

To remotely suggest a moment of humor somehow adds to the 'deeply wounded' is just a pint short of one full gallon of goofy.

Now, if you're really serious, I'd advise refraining from all conversation about the issue, both here and your extended dialog at SBCV.

With that, I am...
Peter

[Mark]

Whoever gets the gig we simply must have Peter as the official coffee bearer. Of course, the java will be of custom stock called

Peter's Choice

.

A universal coffee you may resist until you elect to let it melt your two lips on the condition of your own desires.

;)

[Les Puryear]

Peter,

Funny post. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for thinking of me but no thanks. :)

Les

[Dr. James Galyon]

Les:
You don't want to be NAMB president? Why not? Just because the first two presidents were fired, I mean, resigned?

[Darby Livingston]

Peter Lumpkins for president of NAMB - He'd do a good job building consensus and uniting various factions. :)

[Donald]

I found this to be funny!

[Donald]

Um, where are the others jobs for the rest of us though!

[Grady Bauer]

Peter,
Who do you think would actually be able to do this job, without getting canned?
Grady